Mercy Ships

Mercy Ships
The largest NGO hospital ship in the world providing free medical care to the forgotten poor

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Reflections on Turning 40

It's my birthday. A milestone such as turning 40 definitely deserves a blog post. Here is my attempt to look back on the last decade.

First, a little comparison between my 20's and my 30's...



Despite our society's general aversion to aging, I am grateful for each additional year of life and the changes that come with age. I cherish the lessons I have learned and the increasing peace & wisdom that come from living out the ups and downs of life with the Lord. The past decade has been full of the highest highs and the lowest lows and everything in between. 

It was at the beginning of my 30's that I finally found my dream job. After wrestling with many questions about my calling and vocation during my 20's, I found my niche as a high school instructional specialist. I loved dividing my time between teaching students and mentoring teachers.  I was challenged when my school assigned me to teach Advanced Placement Statistics (the only class I said I wouldn't be comfortable teaching).  Statistics quickly became my favorite course to teach and I will never forget the joy when over 50% of my class passed the AP test at the end of the year, earning college credit in high school. One of the highlights of my years at Sharpstown was the annual camping trip I took with my students. I figured the best way to get my students to study for their AP exam was to take them out to the woods and make them study! Of course we also canoed on the lake, slept in tents, and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over a campfire, all firsts for many of my students. 

It was also in my early 30's that I experienced 15 months of depression, a season in which I was unable to feel happy. During depression I hated my life and I hated that I felt that way, because I still believed life was a precious gift from God.  Much of my depression stemmed from despair over being single and the certainty that loneliness could be the only possible outcome for someone without a spouse and kids. I found relief from depression when God healed me through a miraculous prayer session with my college roommates and a few others. Counseling and medication has helped keep me depression free ever since. 

Even after God healed me, I was still sad about being single. It was hard watching all my friends have the life I wished for as they married and started having children. Despite having a job I loved, I felt increasingly sure I needed to leave Houston. I needed to focus on what I could do rather than on what I didn't have.  I needed some serious community and if 400 people all living in a metal box couldn't do it, then nothing could. 

So the adventure with Mercy Ships began (that is, of course, a longer story, but you can read all about how I decided to serve with Mercy Ships in the very first posts of this blog)!  On the ship I became a braver person, more content with who I am.  I changed the narrative about myself from "loser who is still single," to "courageous woman walking with God on a difficult life path."  It took a lot of wrestling with God, and there's been plenty of tears, bitterness, and anger along the way, but as I say good-bye to my 30's I've finally made some peace with being single. Ironically, allowing myself to grieve deeply and being honest about my discontentment is what finally enabled me to receive joy and find contentment and gratitude for the life that I have.

I used to look at the future and only see loneliness. But these days I am able to look at the future with excitement, wondering what it holds.Will I settle permanently in Minnesota and become a foster and adoptive mom? Will God take me on another adventure somewhere around the world? Will I live in community housing through my church? Will I start my own business? Maybe all of these. But whatever happens, I will trust God. And this is my favorite thing about getting older. The more I experience God, the more my trust in Him grows.



1 comment:

  1. Depression runs on our family and my daughter, Floral has gone thru some difficult times. I
    Glad you could get help too. I love statistics and aced it. It turned out to be my favorite class Glad you learned to love it! It's amazing what life brings us as I sit here with a broken arm contemplating my own path. Happy birthday Wendy and joy to you on the next adventure of life.

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